Ferrets and Weasels and Stags, Oh My!
by dontyoucrynomore
Summary: I should've known that the fact that Rose and I were "together" wouldn't be– couldn't be –kept a secret, no matter how much we tried.- Please, R&R! About when Ron and Draco find out about the horrible secret ;  Rated T because I'm paranoid.


**So, I've had this idea stuck in my mind for a while, and _finally_ got 'round to writing it. Please, read and review! Tell me what you think :D**

**I'm not British, so I apologize if any non-British terms have snuck in there, and if I've used a wrong word.**

**Disclaimer: I tried to steal the deed to Harry Potter... I was thrown in jail . **

**Bloody laws. -_-**

* * *

><p><strong>Ferrets and Weasels and Stags, Oh My!<strong>

Looking back on it, I suppose it really _was_ our fault. I mean, if we had been a bit more careful, this could've been kept quiet for a bit longer.

Then again, I guess not. The incessantly inquisitive Weasley-Potter tribe _was_ rather nosy and obnoxious. Everything was everyone's business, and the concepts of personal space and privacy? Ha! Those were nothing but a far fetched, luxurious dream.

I should've _known_ that the fact that Rose and I were "together" wouldn't be– _couldn__'__t _be –kept a secret, no matter how much we tried.

Karma was truly a _bitch_.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Scorp," Rose drawled, a smirk on her face, quill posed right above her piece of blank parchment. My gray eyes found her brown ones, and I narrowed my eyes. She <em>knew<em> I hated that name. _Scorpius _was the proper name, and _Scorpius_ was what it was going to stay, thank you very much.

I snapped my book shut– it was a _fascinating _Wizard History textbook –and glared in her direction,

"You _know_ I hate that name, and you only use it when you're bored. Let me tell you right now, Rose, I'm _not_ a source of entertainment. You want some entertainment, go hang out with those cousins of yours. They're _bound_ to do something stupid or idiotic."

Rose's smirk grew, not the least bit fazed by my less-than-please reaction,

"Why, you're looking exceptionally disgruntled today. What's the matter, Scorpious? Are we having trouble with Wizarding History? You know, I could help you... if you _asked_."

I ignored her.

"Really, _Scorp_–" she was using _that_ _name_ again! "–it's not that hard. Say it with me: ROSE WEASLEY. THOU ARE THE GODDESS OF ACADEMICS. I NEED THY GLORIOUS HELP."

I ignored her once again. And I decided that she needed to stop reading Shakespearian Muggle novels, something that she had developed an unhealthy obsession with these past few months.

"_C__'__mon_, _Scorp_–" I could feel the vein bulging in my forehead "–just say it! It's only a few words. A few, measly words that shall ease your pain and minimize your suffering."

I ignored her... _again_. But, alas, she was a Weasley, and Weasleys were never good at taking hints.

"_Scorp_–" oh dear _Merlin_ I was going to commit homicide "–just ask me! You _won__'__t_ regret it. I mean, sure, I'll bring it up whenever I have the chance to and hold it against you as blackmail material, but at least you'll pass that History exam, right? Plus-" I, finally deciding that it was high time she shut up, had leaned over and kissed her on the mouth, effectively stopping her from speaking. I ran my tongue over her lips, teasing her, and _just_ when she parted her mouth... I leaned back, smirking.

Rose blinked, a bit dazed. Then, she narrowed her eyes.

"Why, you're looking exceptionally disgruntled today. What's the matter, _Rosy_?" I mimicked her words from prior, and then smirked when _her_ undesired nickname– Rosy –caused a reaction.

She may be the "goddess of academics", but I was the famous– or infamous, if you prefer –for my phenomenal kissing abilities.

"That isn't fair," she growled, scowling, and then said, "and _don't_ call me _Rosy_, either."

"Au contraire, ma cherie, it's _quite_ fair," I replied to her first statement, an arrogant smirk on my face, and then replied to her next statement, "and if you can call me _Scorp_–" I spit the name out in disgust "–I can call you _Rosy_."

She glared at me for a second, and then smirked,

"Fine. If _that's_ what you want... fine. It just means that I won't be helping you with your Ancient Runes class, either. Not until you beg for my help."

That damn woman was a _bit_ too smug for my liking. She had taken my two worst subjects– the _only_ subjects I needed any help in: Ancient Runes (why the bloody hell would I care about what dead people had to say?) and History (this was self explanatory), and was using them against me. On top of that, it was N.E.W.T. year.

Sometimes, her cunningness made me seriously doubt the fact that my girlfriend belonged in Gryffindor.

I decided that it was time to bring out the old Malfoy charm.

"Rose..." I started, and then leaned over until our faces– our lips – were merely centimeters apart. I saw her eyes flicker down, and I smirked inwardly. I moved my head to the side, and then started to trail soft kisses across her jawline, allowing a _real_ smirk to form when she extended her neck to one side to give me better access.

I reached her ear, and whispered into it,

"Do you _really_ want me to _fail_, Rose? Don't you _want _to help me?"

"No, I do-_ohhhh_," she moaned softly as I sucked on a rather sensitive spot right underneath her ear lobe.

"Are you... sure?" I asked.

And then, of course, since this was a _Weasley_I was dealing with, something _had_to go wrong.

"Oi! Rosy Posy! I was..."

We quickly broke apart, and looked at the obnoxious intruder. It was James. James _bloody_ Potter. Rose's annoying cousin, who, although already having graduated Hogwarts– with flying colors, I hate to say – was here "visiting". _Today_.

Merlin, how could I have _forgotten_?

My jaw was sitting quite comfortably on the carpeted floor, and my eyes were the size of golf balls. James seemed to be in shock.

When he broke out of his shock, and changed it to anger, I wished that he would've _stayed_shocked. Perhaps, if I was lucky, he could've been paralyzed that way.

Merlin, _anything_ would be better than the pure, unadulterated _rage_ I was seeing on his face right now. I hadn't known this, but James Potter was _scary_when he was angry.

Bloody _terrifying_.

"What. The. _Fuck_?" he growled out, and I unintentionally tried to become as small as possible. I decided that trying to hide behind Rose would be a bit too unmanly.

"I-I-I–" Merlin, Rose! Stop stuttering and save both our asses! "–I... can... explain?"

Oh, yes, Rose. Thank _Merlin_ for your _amazing_ wit.

We were _dead_. I was going to become nothing more than a small grease spot on this luxurious carpet, remembered as nothing more than "the unlucky fool who decided to date Rose Weasley." Oh, Merlin, I was going to be brutally murdered, my body disgustingly mangled by the hoards of Weasels after my delicious blood.

And I wasn't even _exaggerating_.

James was burning a hole right through my handsome head. I had learned, while being with the Weasley's, that when James got angry, he'd blow up. When he'd get really, _really_ angry, he'd freeze you with his sharp, cutting, icy comments. Thank _Merlin_ that hadn't happened yet.

"Oh, you can, can you? Why, then, please. Explain," James said, and _oh__Merlin_ he was using a tone that would've frozen over hell. I'd spoken too soon.

I cleared my throat, ready to ride in to rescue Rose. Before I could get out a single "What ho!", though, James looked me straight in the eye, and said in the most icy, cold voice,

"Don't. Even. Speak," he commanded.

The blizzard that was swirling around me, caused by his _freezing_ words, froze me in my place.

"James. It's... it's not what it looks like," Rose tried again, and I decided that I _couldn__'__t_ disgrace my family name by just _standing_there.

"Yeah. We were just... studying," I continued. That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, since not only did Rose glare at me, James's glare _intensified_. Something that I hadn't known could happen.

"Shut up, _Malfoy_," he spit out, venom laced into his voice, saying the word "Malfoy" as if it was something absolutely disgusting. Which I took offense to. I mean, sure, our past had been a _tad_ shady, but we were over that now! We had a clean slate now, and were a completely innocent family.

Well, mostly innocent.

"Listen, James–" I started, but I was cut off before I could finish.

"I need an explanation, Rose! Was this bastard taking _advantage_ of you?" he asked angrily, and I was miffed at the fact that he'd completely ignored me. I wasn't used to being ignored, and I didn't like it either. Also, he'd called me a bastard, and, although I knew I _could_ be a bit of a bastard at times, I hadn't done _anything_ wrong here!

"No! Merlin, why'd you think _that_? Need I remind you that I can hold my own against you, if not _beat_you, when we Wizard duel? I could handle Scorpious on my own if he tried anything of _that_ sort, thank you very much! And Scorpious is _not_ that type of bloke!"

"But... but... you were _kissing_," he stated, confusion evident in his tone.

I couldn't stop the smartarse comment before it was out,

"Yes, well, when you're dating, you tend to do those kind of things. I guess _you_ wouldn't know."

The confusion evaporated in a blink of an eye, and he glared at me. Then, he seemed to realize what I had said.

He seemed to choke on air for a second, opening and closing his mouth, looking like a rather unattractive goldfish, before he _finally_ seemed to make his voice box work,

"You two are... _dating_? WHAT?"

"Yes. We are. And you _better_not have a problem with that," Rose said defensively, her eyes narrowed, her arms crossed, and she was using her no-nonsense tone. She was serious about this.

"He's... but he's... what will _Ron_ say?"

The question he had popped out _really_ got me thinking. I wondered what Mr. Weasley _would_say.

Probably something along the lines of "AVADA KEDAVRA!" and then maniacal laughter to follow my death. Yes, that seemed about right.

While I had been daydreaming about my– quite accurate –demise, Rose and James were having an intense battle of wills. There eyes met, and I _swear_ there was a spark of electricity between the two. It was brown against brown, Potter against Weasley. I couldn't help thinking that if _I_had been in Rose's place, I would've just kicked him in the shins and taken advantage of that situation. It would've solved this "Battle of the Wills" much quicker, and I would've been the obvious victor.

I slowly started to scoot away, toward the ajar door, but then I stopped. I couldn't just _leave_ Rose alone. I sighed. This just _had_ to be the time that my damn chivalry had to come into play, didn't it?

"You know what? I think that I'm going to write to Ron," James said after a few moments, and dashed out the door. My girlfriend's eyes widened, and then she ran after him.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, JAMES SIRIUS POTTER, OR I _SWEAR_ YOU'LL REGRET IT!" she shouted after him, and I was left alone.

I glanced at the blank piece of abandoned parchment and the quill next to it. I suppose this was a good time as any to start on my will. It was _bound_ to come in handy soon.

* * *

><p>I stared at the piece of parchment in my hand. At the Parchment of <em>Doom<em>. Oh, Merlin, this _couldn__'__t_ be true. This couldn't be! It was blasphemy!

Every bone, every fiber, ever _nerve_ in my being was hoping that this was just a practical joke. A horrible, cruel practical joke, but a practical joke nonetheless. Because _anything_ would be better than this terrible truth being factual.

The horrible words stared back at me, mocking me:

_Dear __Ron,_

_ I'd just like to tell you that YOUR DAUGHTER IS DATING SCORPIUS MALFOY. YES. IT'S THE TRUTH. THIS IS **NOT** A PRACTICAL JOKE (if it was, I'd want to be there to record your reaction). I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES. _

_ I__'__d __write __more , __but __Rose __is __out __for __my __blood , __and __will __probably __murder __me __if __she __finds __me. __She _does _have __your __oh-so-_lovely _temper._

_ Love,_

_ James_

_ P.S.: If you died of a heart attack after reading this, you have my deepest condolences. _

I opened my mouth, but no noise came out. I tried again, and I _finally_ found my voice,

"HERMIONE!"

* * *

><p><em>Dear <em>_Ferret,_

_ TELL YOUR CONNIVING LITTLE SON TO STAY AWAY FROM MY INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL! _

_ Ron Weasley_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ginger,<em>

_ I __have __no __bloody __idea __what __you__'__re __talking __about. __My __son __would _never _go __for __a __ginger __like __your __daughter._

_ I see you still make as much sense as ever. _

_ Draco Malfoy_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ferret,<em>

_ Never go for a ginger like my daughter? Ha! I wish! _

_ Apparently, your son is DATING MY DAUGHTER! _

_ Ron Weasley_

* * *

><p>I stared at the letter in my hand, my eyes wide with shock and fear. No. Oh, bloody hell, <em>no<em>. My son would never do that to me!

_Dear__Scorpius,_

_ I __got __a __letter __from __Ron __Weasley. __He __had __the __absurd __idea __that __you __were _dating _his __daughter._

_ WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DOES THIS MEAN? I DON'T WANT TO BE AMBUSHED BY GINGERS! _

_ You _better _have __a __good __explanation, __Scorpius __Hyperion __Malfoy._

_ Love,_

_ Your father _

I quickly tied up the letter to Almyra, my owl, and sent her on her way. Then, I did the only thing I _could_ do,

"ASTORIA!"

* * *

><p><em>Dear father<em>_,_

_ I __have __an __explanation. _And _it__'__s __a __great, __wonderful, __logical __one._

_ I'll tell you once I have a great place to hide. _

_ Love,_

_ Your son (unless you disown me), Scorpius_

* * *

><p>"Honestly, Ronald, you're acting as if you're still fourteen!" Hermione exclaimed at my side, "And if you ruin that carpet with your incessant <em>pacing<em>, Ronald Weasley, you better be ready to buy me a new one!"

My pacing came to a stop, and I glared at her.

"Hermione, don't you get it? My daughter, _our_ daughter, is dating Scorpius Malfoy! Ferret Junior! What I'm doing right now is completely rational and logical!"

"Thinking about sending him to Azkaban is _logical_?"

"Yes!"

Hermione rolled her brown eyes and sighed, using that I-am-surrounded-by-idiots sigh .

"Please, Ron, _stop_ acting like a child and _accept_ the fact that Scorpius is not a bad boy! Rose has told me all about him-"

"YOU KNEW THAT HE WAS DATING HER?" I interrupted loudly.

"_No_, Ronald, and _don__'__t_speak to me in that tone," Hermione said sharply, her eyes flashing. I backed down.

"Yes, dear."

"As I was saying, I've known about her and Scorpius being friends for quite a while. It was quite obvious that the two would date. I mean, it seemed that everyone but those two knew they had feelings for each other-"

"Wait, so Rose told you that she was friends with Scorpius, but not _me_?"

"Stop interrupting me! And, of course she didn't tell you! Look at the way you're acting right now!"

"Oh... that's right."

"Yes, well, _as __I __was __saying_, I don't get why you're so angry! It's just Scorpius! He seemed like a really nice boy, from what I've heard."

I stared at her. I blinked. I stared some more. Then, I understood what she _really_ meant, and burst out laughing.

"Oh, Merlin, you're so funny!"

Hermione glared at me,

"I don't see what's so amusing," she said cooly.

I stopped laughing and gaped at her,

"So... so you were _serious_ about the "why are you so angry?" question?" I asked, flabbergasted. How could Hermione, the smartest witch of her age, _not_ see the _dangers_ of dating Ferret Junior?

"Yes, Ron, I am _completely_ serious. He's just another boy! A very sweet boy, from what I've been told!"

"He is, in no way, shape, or form, _sweet_, Hermione," I growled, revolted by the thought.

"How would you know that, Ron? You haven't _met_ the boy, let alone _heard_ of him!"

"He's Malfoy's son!" I exclaimed, "That explains everything!"

"Oh, _honestly_! You are the father of two children, one of which is about to graduate Hogwarts. For Merlin's sake, Ronald, _act_ like it! Let the past go! Scorpius isn't is father, and nor should you treat him in such a way!" she huffed, and then stormed off, resembling a hurricane.

"I _am_ acting like it!" Merlin, couldn't she see that this was all for the good for our innocent daughter?

My feet automatically resumed their pacing. I could apologize to Hermione– for Merlin-knows-whatever I did –later. There were more pressing matters to attend to! Who knew what that twitchy little ferret was up to?

As I thought of what, exactly, that _bastard_ could be doing to my daughter, my legs anchored into place, horror encompassed my face, and if anyone had walked into the room at that moment, they would've thought that I'd been Petrificus Totalused. He could be doing _anything_ to my poor girl! Kidnapping her– the sudden scene of a mad, pointy-faced ferret kidnapping Rose at wand-point flashed through my mind –, _hurting_ her– the same mad, pointy-faced ferret was now dragging her through the mud, face-down, and laughing maniacally–, and he could be... he could be _kissing_ her.

Oh, Merlin's bushy eyebrows, he could've taken away my daughter's _chastity_! That. Was. _It_. The last straw!

It was time to revisit Hogwarts.

"_Don__'__t __even __think __about __it!__" _I heard Hermione yell.

I made a split second decision– save Rose, or anger Hermione?

_You __better __thank __me __for __this, __Rose_, I thought grimly, and then walked out the front door, yelling behind me,

"I love you Hermione, but Rose needs to be saved!"

"Oh, Merlin's beard!" Hermione shouted behind me, remarkably resembling a banshee, and then, I was gone. The familiar pulling-stretching-squashed sensation was back, and I was on my way to Hogwarts.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe this. I <em>can<em>_'__t_ BELIEVE this! How could he do this to me? His own _father_!"

"Draco, stop behaving so immaturely," Astoria chastised from my side.

"I'm not behaving immaturely!" I yelled.

Astoria raised an elegant eyebrow,

"Excuse me? Would you like to repeat that, Draco _dear_?"

"Sorry, dear," I replied rather meekly to her cool statement, not that I'd admit it to anyone, "But he's dating a _ginger_! A _Weasel_!"

"Draco, stop behaving like a pubescent child!" Astoria exclaimed, finally at her wit's end. We had been at this for quite a while now.

"I'm not! My aggravation and irritation are perfectly justified!" I elaborated rather loudly, my feet firmly on the ground, my pacing at a current pause.

Astoria gave a rather un-lady-like snort, and _both_ of her fine eyebrows flew to her hairline in disbelief,

"_Justified_, you say? Merlin, Draco, she's _just_a girl! A rather sweet little thing, if what I've heard is anything to go by."

I gaped at her in disbelief. First, my own flesh and blood. Now, _this_? Merlin, was _anyone_ faithful in my family?

"You _knew_ he was dating her? And, what, you didn't think of _telling_ me? What did you think? That, perhaps, I didn't _care_? How could you betray me like that?"

Astoria's eyes narrowed in anger, at my– perfectly rational –accusation,

"I am _not_ betraying you! For Merlin's sake, Draco, _grow __up_! It's time to _let __the __past __go_!" Astoria yelled, and then stomped off with the force of a herd of elephants.

I was left standing in the middle of my luxurious living room, mouth hanging open, eyes the size of golf balls.

I decided that there was only one thing I could do right now, if I wanted to get to the bottom of this.

It was time to revisit Hogwarts.

* * *

><p>"I'm going to <em>die<em>. Merlin, I'm going to be brutally murdered, my corpse dumped into the Great Lake to be enjoyed by the Giant Squid!" I moaned, walking toward the Headmistress's office.

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen! You are _not_, under any circumstances, going to be killed! _Especially_ not by my father!" Rose snapped back at me, frustrated, increasing her pacing. I increased my own pacing as well.

"Easy for you to say! It's not _my_ father that has the Head of the Auror Department, the bloody _Slayer __of __Voldemort_, at beck and call! Nor is it _my_ father that will probably encourage a Dementor to kiss me! Plus, let's face it, your dad is quite impulsive. Agrippa, Rose, can't you see? I'm really going to die here!" I finished rather dramatically, throwing my hands in the air to emphasize my point.

Rose bit her lip,

"My father won't... I mean... it won't... he won't _kill _you...I hope," she trailed off in a small voice, her shoulders slumping, seeming to realize what I had known for _ages_.

"Well, if he doesn't kill me, he'll probably make sure that St. Mungos becomes my home. _Permanently_."

Rose seemed to regain her vigor, ignoring my true statement,

"Oh, just stop it. We'll deal with this _after_ we see what Professor Dorshey wants."

"She probably wants to see me to offer protection from your bloodthirsty family," I mumbled darkly, not meaning for Rose to hear, but since when did anything I _want_ happen?

"Shut up, Scorpius, and stop sulking."

"First of all, I'm not _sulking_. It's called _brooding __handsomely_. And second, I'm about to die here! A bloke has a right to su- I mean, _brood_ when he's about to be killed by his girlfriend's father! You could show some sympathy, you know!"

Rose stopped in front of the staircase that led to the Headmistress's office, which in turn led to _me_ stopping, since I didn't want to become a domino. She turned toward me, grabbed my face, and then kissed me on the lips. She pulled away a bit too quickly for my liking, and then looked me in the eye.

"Just relax. I won't let _anything_ happen," she said, and then started up the stairs. I stared after her, looking Confunded, until I finally regained my sense and followed her up.

* * *

><p>The first thing that we heard were voices. Loud, familiar, <em>angry<em> voices. Voices that I did _not_, under any circumstances, want to go near.

But, alas, I had to go, since my girlfriend didn't show any signs of turning back, and I couldn't abandon her.

"Rose," I whispered harshly as we came to a stop in front of the door, the voices much, _much_ louder, "I think that we should just turn back. I have a sneaking suspicion who's in there, and I really don't want to find out."

Snatches of their conversations were heard:

"It's all _your_ bloody fault–"

"_My _fault? It's all your _daughter_'_s_–

"OI! Don't bring Rose into this, you twitch little–"

She looked up at me, biting her lip and brown eyes wide and worried,

"You know what, Scorpius. I think you're right."

"You do?" I asked, surprised, and then quickly added, "I mean, of course I'm right! Let's go before they–"

"Ah, it seems that our guests have arrived," a strong, feminine voice from inside called, and I cursed _bloody _Professor Dorshey and her _bloody _ancestors and her _bloody _children with every curse I knew. And I knew quite a few.

"Oh no," Rose whispered, and then grabbed my hand, "listen, Scorpius. We'll get through this together. Okay?"

I nodded. And then... and then, the doors to my Death opened.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, there you go. Did ya like it? Please, R&amp;R!<strong>

**I apologize for any typos. **

**~SCYS**


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